Words matter on DADT polls, but labels keep us apart

Jeanette writes about health care and democracy on the blog "Day to Day Democracy Alaska" and sometimes about LGBT issues. In "Words, Words, Words" she responds to an article on the words used in opinion polls about the military's gay ban.

The New York Times and CBS recently released the results of a survey on repealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' They found that more people support letting gays and lesbians serve in the military than letting homosexuals serve. What? It seems that words really do make a difference:

In the poll, 59 percent say they now support allowing "homosexuals" to serve in the U.S. military, including 34 percent who say they strongly favor that. Ten percent say they somewhat oppose it and 19 percent say they strongly oppose it.

But the numbers differ when the question is changed to whether Americans support "gay men and lesbians" serving in the military. When the question is asked that way, 70 percent of Americans say they support gay men and lesbians serving in the military, including 19 percent who say they somewhat favor it. Seven percent somewhat oppose it, and 12 percent strongly oppose it.

Jeanette takes issue with our dependence on any labels, and instead encourages us to reach out to others as people and get to know them as individuals:

Why must we care what word we use to describe ourselves in this world. Truly, no word can describe a person, or do much to resolve one person's prejudice against another. The need to provide equal protection was conceived to protect people from the damage inflicted by a word or a combination of words. Because of equal protection under the law, I am not allowed to extend or deny to my fellow citizen access to basic necessities such as food, shelter or income because I may believe that a person's character and worth can be defined by the color of their skin, their ethnic heritage or their ability to physically function at my level.

We cut ourselves off from so very much in this world, from potential allies, acquaintances and friends, when we allow ourselves to place people in boxes defined by words, and bullet phrases based on physical characteristics, or even outward mannerisms. We certainly deprive ourselves when we rely on the comments of others to determine with whom we may be compatible. Many amazing, spiritually mature and gifted leaders have throughout human history declared that to understand someone, one must take the time to know that person as an individual. By no other means can one ascertain whether another human being be friend or foe.

I wrote this comment, and I will end the article with it. May we all step out of our comfort zones in order that we find greater comfort in the companionship of others who we may not at first trust or understand. It works. I speak from experience. Some of the greatest lessons taught to me have been from those whom at first I did not trust:

What I long for more than anything else is to have a person simply ask me about my life - not my lifestyle, my agenda, or attempt to define my label. I am, above all else, a human being. I do not wear my hair in a particular style, adorn my feet with a select brand of comfortable shoes or even regularly attend the most public of rallies or parades for the LGBT community. My parents love my partner, and her parents love me. We have the support of our family. We could not exist as a couple without that support (get back in there and work it out, then come talk to us later). I do not hide my life, but then neither do I try and define it with outward props or affectations. Should a stranger need to understand me better, I can offer no one word or combination thereof to dispel their discomfort. All I can do is to offer them a cup of coffee, a plate of food, and a moment of my time, and perhaps, should both our hearts be open and free from preconceived resentment, we might become better acquainted and less fearful of one another. This method alone has helped ease my way in life, and open doors that might otherwise have remained closed to me, and the love of my life. I thank all those neighbors, relatives, states, persons and more who took the time to get to know us and accept us with love and understanding.

Read more passionate essays and news commentary from Jeanette on Day to Day Democracy Alaska.