Where is the love in trying to make gays go straight?

COMPASS: Other points of view

Opinion | adn.com

By TIFFANY McCLAIN

Published: September 22nd, 2008 10:41 PM
Last Modified: September 22nd, 2008 10:41 PM

One of my earliest memories is being told by the principal of my Christian school that, along with Prince fans and devotees of the rock band Kiss, homosexuals were going to hell.

I was only 6 years old and had never heard of a homosexual, but my principal was happy to spell it out for his elementary school audience: "Homosexuals are men who have sex with men." By the end of the school day, I was in tears, convinced that my mother's love for Prince had doomed us both for eternity.

At the time, homosexuality had no relevance to my life, and because after this incident my mother promptly enrolled me in public school, I was spared any additional attempts to prevent me from growing up to be gay. But what about the children whose parents weren't aware of what their kids were being taught? Or whose parents' beliefs might have been more in line with that of the principal's? What about the slightly older child, already aware of his or her attraction to people of the same sex, forced to come of age weighed down by this message of condemnation?

For years, these children remained vulnerable to the harmful teachings of adults who used their authority and their religious standing to promote an anti-gay agenda under the guise of Christian righteousness. It is disheartening to know that some groups continue to promote a philosophy that endangers peoples' mental health and validates social intolerance.

Over time, the homophobic discourse of Christian fundamentalism has grown more benevolent in tone. Instead of threatening the gates of hell, for example, Focus on the Family's Love Won Out ministry claims to help people "overcome" their same- sex attractions with "compassion and grace." They claim to be able to "transform" people's lives with holistic therapies and counseling.

But just because the tone has changed doesn't mean that the consequences have disappeared. In a 1998 position statement the American Psychiatric Association cited the numerous potential risks of the "therapies" promoted by these ministries of so-called "transformation," including depression, anxiety and self-destructive behavior. The American Psychological Association, National Association of Social Workers, and the American Academy of Pediatrics have also expressed their concern about the harmful consequences of these ministries on the well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning people and their families.

For all their talk of love, the Love Won Out ministry blindly ignores the love and affection that exists between gay and lesbian couples. We are portrayed as emotionally stunted individuals with no interest in each other beyond the physical, thereby diminishing public respect for and recognition of our relationships and families.

If you look beneath the "self-help"-styled rhetoric, at the core of their philosophy is the belief that if you're gay or lesbian, there is something fundamentally wrong with you that needs to be changed. Not only is this belief medically incorrect — psychiatrists dismissed it almost 40 years ago — it also implicitly validates social prejudices that lead to acts of discrimination, harassment and violence. These acts cause far more mental harm to gays and lesbians — and do more harm to our democracy — than allowing law-abiding citizens to live their lives equally, honestly, and without fear — regardless of their sexual orientation.

I work for the American Civil Liberties Union of Alaska, an organization that protects the right of every citizen to believe in and promote the religion of their choice. Focus on the Family has every right to bring its Love Won Out conference all the way to Anchorage and share its mission with whoever is willing to listen. But our Constitution also grants me the right to urge you — for the sake of your loved ones' mental well-being and happiness, for the sake of promoting a more democratic and compassionate community, and in the name of love — not to believe a word they say.

Tiffany McClain is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Public Policy Coordinator for ACLU of Alaska in Anchorage.

Where is the love in trying to make gays go straight?