Dennis Goff (1951-2010)

Dennis Goff, formerly of Anchorage, died unexpectedly at the age of 59 on Nov. 3, 2010, in Hawaii. Sorry for the late posting, I didn't know until recently. His legacy book is still open, and friends are encouraged to add a message. Condolences to his partner Sheldon, his many friends and students, and all who were touched by his life and his music.

A local gathering was held in the UAA recital hall. His ashes were divided among his favorite Hawaiian beach, the Chugach Mountains in Alaska and his family's hometown in Ohio.

Born Aug. 19, 1951, in Toledo, Ohio, he graduated from East Anchorage High School in 1969, and taught voice and English in the Anchorage School District until his retirement in 1994.

After retirement, Dennis continued to tutor students in his home and advocated for their success in the music profession. His was a familiar face at many musical venues throughout the city.

He was a member of the National Association of Teachers of Singing (NATS), Anchorage Community Chorus, Alaska Chamber Singers, Anchorage Festival of Music, Trattoria Singers, Anchorage Opera, Camarato Otto and Waikoloa Outdoor Circle.

One of Dennis's favorite excursions was sharing with friends the beauty of Denali National Park. Another special recreation spot was the Chugach Mountains. It was his desire to move to a sunny climate. That goal was met when he recently relocated to the Big Island of Hawaii.

Warm and good-natured, Dennis was a reliable friend whose sunny smile and quirky humor endeared him to those of us who knew him best. Though he is gone too quickly, he enjoyed every day, especially the last few months in his Hawaiian paradise. The space he left cannot be filled. He cared deeply about us, and has a permanent place in our hearts, where he will always make music.

He was predeceased by his parents, Harvey and Violet (Lemon) Goff, who lived in Port Clinton, Ohio.

Surviving family members include his life partner, Sheldon Meier of Waikoloa Village, Hawaii; his sister, Marsha (James) Elsen and niece Becky Elsen of Croton, Ohio; nephews, Jimmy Elsen of Anderson, Ind., and Scott Elsen of Bay City, Mich.; and many close friends in Anchorage.

In lieu of flowers, a donation in Dennis' memory may be sent to the National Association of Teachers of Singing, Alaska Chapter Student Scholarship fund, 9050 Basher Drive, Anchorage 99507 or to a charity of the donor's choosing.

The obituary above was in the ADN. He was also remembered in West Hawaii Today, which covers his home in Waikoloa Village.

Rest in Peace, Dennis.

Native Alaskan youth for Scott McAdams

Verner Wilson III, who spoke at Pride Conference last year, is at the AFN Elders & Youth Conference this week and is one of four Native Alaskan youth in a new video for U.S Senate candidate Scott McAdams. McAdams grew up in rural Alaska, worked as a fisherman in western Alaska and supports the teaching of Native languages. He also supports LGBT equality.

Here is the video:

Verner shared more reasons for supporting McAdams:

5 things you might not know about Scott McAdams

1) He was born to a single mother in rural Alaska, and admitted they didn't always have food in the cupboard of their small house growing up.

2) He fought at School Board conferences to allow schools to teach Alaska Native languages.

3) He's just 40 years old, and wants to gain seniority in the US Senate and use this power to make Alaska energy-independent and help us in the long run while voting for Democratic values (unlike Lisa who is entrenched by big oil and Republicans).

4) As a fisherman in Sitka alongside his indigenous wife, they understand and will fight for subsistence...HE'S ONE OF US!

5) He's within striking distance of beating both the Republicans in the latest polls and if you vote for him you can put him over the top, really pissing off Joe Miller!

UA retired professor on coming out in the sciences

In addition to the Anchorage community leaders who spoke to the local media on National Coming Out Day, retired University of Alaska professor Steven Jacquier wrote his story of being gay in the sciences for a national website:

The writers at boingboing realized they'd never seen a Coming Out Day feature dedicated to the experiences of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered persons in the sciences and engineering, and hoped to add to the diversity of stories and help science-minded young queer folks everywhere know that it does, indeed, get better.

One of the featured stories is by Steven Jacquier, who trained teachers and science educators at the University of Alaska and experienced the pink glass ceiling:

Early Oppression Led to a Happy Life in the Sciences

Becoming a minister was my first career goal but the clash between being gay and the church killed that intention. At the same time—age 16—being gay also got me kicked out of my parent's house. In high school I had won science fair awards, prompting the military to persistently recruit me, so with the seminary door closed I decided to become an officer. Military college tuition and benefits were a tantalizing opportunity for a teenager on his own with no money ... but while actually filling out the induction papers at the recruiting station I discovered I had the option to either lie about being gay and be in, or be honest and be out. I chose to be out—in more ways than one. The remaining career path on my list? Science. I worked my way through university in part by serving food to military-funded students and washing their dirty dishes, yet am still glad I did not lie. A life in the sciences has worked out so much better!

Internships and field studies with the Institute for Southeast Asian Studies, Indonesian Institutes of Ecology and Parasitology, and in industry led to decades of work on a diverse range of fascinating and rewarding projects. Human ecology in Java, mariculture in Ecuador, agricultural research in New Jersey and California, health science education and disease prevention projects in Alaska and Nepal. At some junctures being gay in the sciences has meant hitting a glass ceiling, no doubt about it; for example, the same year I ultimately won a national award I was conspicuously passed over at the state level in Alaska. There has been definite progress over the years, though, thanks in large part to the efforts of NOGLSTP working with AAAS and other professional associations.

As with being LGBTIQ, being a scientist is as much—if not more—a privileged perspective and invaluable approach to perceiving and understanding the world than how one is defined by professional employment or simply by the nominal fact of for whom one feels affection. Whenever I work with students I have them draw a scientist; they usually draw a man in a lab coat pouring chemicals or peering through a microscope. Especially with LGBTIQ youth, I know I have been successful when at the end of the course I ask them again to draw a scientist and they draw a smiling self-portrait. Out and proud career role models for LGBTIQ youth have too long been restricted to hairdressers, dog groomers, and positions in the arts.

Our youngest recently graduated from high school and flew the nest for university; with her away my partner and I decided to retire. We moved from Alaska to Hawaii, where I am beginning work with some local efforts on rat lungworm, dengue fever, and other emergent and resurgent tropical diseases as well as with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders). Overall, life as a gay man in the sciences these past decades has been good; thanks to folks like you being out and proud I expect the outlook for our children and students to be even better.

Thanks to Steven for contributing his experience as a gay man in the sciences and as a gay Alaskan!

Do you know LGBT Alaskans in the sciences and engineering? NOGLSTP, the National Organization of Gay and Lesbian Scientists and Technical Professionals, is calling for nominations for their 2011 Recognition Awards:

Do you know a GLBT colleague who conducts important scientific research, develops critical engineering applications, or mentors GLBT students in science, technology, engineering, or math? If so, please nominate them for one of NOGLSTP's 2011 GLBT Recognition Awards in the categories of GLBT Scientist of the Year, GLBT Engineer of the Year, and GLBTA Educator of the Year. Nominees need not be well known to the STEM community, but they should the "out" and willing to serve as role models. Self-nominations are accepted. The nomination dealine is November 15. Follow this link for more information and nomination instructions.

Former Alaskan speaks to Pentagon on DADT and gay partners

The GOP blocked Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the Senate, but the Pentagon's Working Group is continuing their study of the policy and recently met with the gay and lesbian partners of military members, including a former Alaskan.

Brad O. Haling (not his real name) is the partner of an active duty gay service member. On September 16, he spoke to the Pentagon about the burden of DADT on partners and families, at the first ever Pentagon meeting with gay and lesbian family members. Bent Alaska is grateful to "Brad" for speaking to the Pentagon and sharing this experience with us. - Editor

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- Written by guest blogger Brad O. Haling (a pseudonym)

Last month, I was asked by Servicemembers United if I would be interested in meeting with the Pentagon's Comprehensive Review Working Group to discuss GLTBQ partner issues in relation to the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Despite the fact that I have devoted considerable time and energy to the repeal effort, I almost said no.

Any partner of a LGBTQ servicemember learns to deal with a heavy dose of invisibility and isolation. Because of DADT, we cannot participate in any manner of our servicemember's regular military life. We can't be known to any of our partner's military friends or colleagues. We can't be seen as a couple anywhere near base, or anywhere we might bump into fellow servicemembers.

When our soldier deploys, we can't be there with the rest of the families to say our goodbyes. We then have to censor all of our communications while they are at war - trying so hard to coach them through that hell while having to sound like just a "friend"; even inventing crazy code words to say "I love you."

And when they finally come home, we have to hide off in a corner somewhere so that no one will witness our tearful reunion.

While our servicemember is deployed, we are not on the military's contact list should something bad happen. None of the base's myriad support services apply to us. More often than not, we cannot even find support with other LGBTQ partners, because we have little means of meeting up with each other.

We live with the constant fear that one little slip-up can ruin the career of the person we love, and that their dreams of service will end in public humiliation and disgrace. It was that fear that almost prevented me from going to the Pentagon.

But I was more afraid that this might be our one and only chance to offer our perspective to the CRWG - our only chance share the impact of DADT on LGBTQ families. So, on September 16th, 12 of us nervously boarded a bus and headed to the Pentagon. (Meeting us there were three partners from SLDN, accompanied by two of their lawyers. A third organization had been invited to attend, but declined to send representation.)

Our group of partners had met beforehand to plot out a unified message (the other groups were invited, but did not attend.) We had decided that the most important thing to us all was simply to lift the constant burden of fear of discovery and discharge from the shoulders of our servicemembers. As the loving partners of some very dedicated soldiers, our utmost concern was for their immediate welfare - we were not doing this solely for a 'benefits grab.'

And indeed, when it was our turn to speak, that is exactly how we started the meeting. But we then stressed that, if our partners were present, they would tell the Pentagon that they want their families to be taken care of. (Things seemed a bit tense at first, as I'm not sure they didn't think we might start out by jumping up on the table while chanting slogans and clutching protest signs.)

One woman in our group represented 11 other GLBTQ partners who were to afraid to attend the meeting. She stated how those eleven families represented a combined 324 years of military service (and counting), had 12 children and 7 grandchildren - many of who had themselves enlisted in the military. She talked about how their kids had to lie in school, so that their parents wouldn't be outed.

We wondered out loud how many straight servicemembers would reenlist if their families were denied all of the benefits they currently enjoy. We asked the Working Group to walk a mile in our shoes, and imagine what it would be like to say goodbye to their families every morning and then have to pretend that they didn't exist for the rest of the day (even while listening to every last detail of the lives of your fellow servicemembers.) We told them that GLBTQ military families go through every one of the rigors associated with PCSs, deployments, etc., but without any of the support afforded to straight families; we've learned to do it all on our own.

All in all, the meeting lasted 110 minutes, and then continued for another 15 minutes in smaller groups as we prepared to leave. Our partners were thanked for their service, and we were officially thanked for our role in supporting them (the shock of hearing this spoken at the Pentagon still hasn't worn off...) I feel we were able to have a substantive discussion of the issues affecting LGBTQ servicemembers and their families, and that we gave the Working Group a new perspective to consider. Rest assured that we DO have allies at the Pentagon, yet I am unsure how that will translate into immediate relief for us.

If you are a partner of a GLBTQ servicemember, Servicemembers United has developed www.militarypartners.org as a means of outreach. There are links to support services, and a Forum for discussion of partner issues (deployments, PTSD, DADT news, etc.)

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Brad said they would be happy to return and discuss this further, but the Pentagon has not contacted them, and the partners do not have plans to meet with any other military entity. This might be their only chance to be heard, and they were brave enough to take it.

You can follow the story of "Brad" and his partner at Servicemembers United, where he blogs as gaysoldiershusband.

Fairbanks ex-Air Force sergeant sues Rapid City, SD

Attorneys for Jene Newsome of Fairbanks, Alaska are suing the city of Rapid City, South Dakota for lost wages and retirement benefits because the Rapid City police outed her to officials at Ellsworth Air Force Base after serving a warrant to her spouse. Newsome was honorably discharged in January under the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, and came home to Fairbanks.

"Given the city of Rapid City's unwillingness to acknowledge the wrongful and unlawful acts done by Officer (Jeremy) Stauffacher, (Det. Tom) Garinger and other members of the police department, we have no choice but to file a lawsuit against the city of Rapid City in federal court," [Newsome's attorney Jeffrey] Fransen said.

Newsome's case first came to light in March, when the American Civil Liberties Union of South Dakota sent a letter to Mayor Alan Hanks alleging the police department had violated Newsome's privacy and constitutional rights by sharing information about her sexual orientation with Air Force officials.

In the March 19 letter, ACLU executive director Robert Doody asked the police department to pay damages and issue an apology to Newsome, along with reprimanding the officers involved in the incident and changing department policy to ban the release of information about military members' sexuality.

The incident in question occurred Nov. 20, 2009, when officers, in the course of serving an out-of-state felony arrest warrant on charges of grand theft for Cheryl Hutson, noticed an Iowa marriage certificate with Hutson and Newsome's names on it at their home.

That detail was included in the police report, a document that Garinger later shared with the Office of Special Investigation at Ellsworth. Stauffacher was also involved in the arrest.

Newsome was discharged from the military in January. Under the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, service members cannot be asked about their sexual orientation, but evidence of homosexual behavior is grounds for discharge.

The ACLU of South Dakota got involved in February, when it filed a formal complaint against the police department for its role in Newsome's discharge.

Police Chief Steve Allender responded with an internal investigation March 19 that concluded no department policy had been violated by providing the police report to base officials. Allender said it was long-standing policy to share information with the Air Force when a service member's conduct is potentially criminal.

Newsome was not on the warrant and was not being investigated. Her only "crime" was being a lesbian.

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell" must be repealed!

Former Elmendorf NCO escorts Lady GaGa to MTV awards to support DADT repeal

Lady Gaga won 8 MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday, and former Elmendorf AFB staff sergeant David Hall (far right in photo) escorted her to the show, along with three other service members who lost their military careers because of the ban against open service by gays and lesbians, a policy known as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (DADT).

Lady Gaga spoke in favor of repealing DADT when she accepted her award for Best Female Video for "Bad Romance" and thanked the four "discharged soldiers" who came with her, adding "And thank you to all the gays for remaking this video over and over again."

Her escorts were former U.S. Air Force Staff Sargent David Hall; former U.S. Air Force Major Mike Almy; top West Point cadet Katie Miller, who resigned in August in protest of DADT; and Former U.S. Army Sargent First Class Stacy Vasquez.

David Hall was a decorated Elmendorf NCO before starting officer training at the University of Alaska, Anchorage, and was a top student in the Air Force ROTC. He was dis-enrolled from the ROTC because a female cadet suspected he was having a relationship with Jack Glover, another UAA airman, and told their superior officer. Both men were kicked out because of the DADT policy.

A federal judged ruled DADT unconstitutional last week, but the government is expected to appeal the decision. The U.S. House already passed a repeal of DADT, and the Senate vote is scheduled for next week.

Call your Senators today at 202-224-3121 and urge them to repeal the policy!

Senotor Begich supports repeal, while Sen. Murkowski is undecided. But she voted for the Hate Crimes Act after hearing from Alaskan voters. She lost the GOP nomination and has not announced a write-in campaign, so she might be persuaded to vote for the Defense Budget and the DADT repeal.

In Feb. 2008, KTVA in Anchorage aired a special report on David Hall and "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" (one of the first videos ever posted on Bent Alaska.)

This week, Hall was interviewed by MTV about escorting Lady GaGa to the Video Music Awards:

"We met her before the show last week and told her our stories, and that's when she said she wanted to do more," said David Hall, 36, a former member of the Air Force who was booted out in August 2002 after a female cadet told his commander that he was gay and in a relationship. When confronted, Hall said he told his commanding officer he had no comment, but "he took her word for it over mine," and Hall, a five-year veteran, was discharged.

"We talked to [Gaga] for a bit and she said, 'It would be great if I could bring you to the VMAs,' " he said. A longtime Gaga fan, Hall was ecstatic about the idea, but said it seemed unlikely that they could pull it off on such short notice. But when you're Lady Gaga and you have 13 VMA nominations, it seems anything is possible.

"I just kept thinking, 'How can we get this together? Can we do it that fast?' " Hall said. "To my surprise, we were able to pull it off."

Hall and three of his cohorts — Katie Miller, Stacy Vasquez and Mike Almy — ended up walking the white carpet with Gaga and chatting with MTV's Sway before they took their seats right behind Gaga in the Nokia Theatre in some of the most primo spots in the house.

Hall has been working with the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN.org) since 2006, helping the advocacy organization push to have "Don't Ask" repealed. He said even with all the work he's been doing for the organization, having Gaga spread the word to her 6 million Twitter followers and millions of VMA viewers was a huge boost.

"I've done tons of media over the past four years ... but I knew she would reach out to her Little Monsters and tell them about the repeal of 'Don't Ask' on the white carpet and [it would have a huge impact]," he said. "You couldn't ask for a better person to do it. She's very genuine. It's not some ploy to get attention. She really wanted to know about the repeal and why we need to get rid of 'Don't Ask.' "

... Gaga's decision to use the VMA platform to publicize the attempt to push the repeal of "Don't Ask" through — a commitment President Obama made during his campaign and which he has repeatedly said is his goal — came at just the right time, according to Hall.

"The Senate is just coming back and we're hoping that they will pass something this month," he said, noting that Democratic control of Congress could possibly be weakened if Republican candidates score key victories in the November elections, which could set the repeal process back once again. "We were telling her that it is very important to speak out on this now," Hall said of SLDN's message to Gaga, who paid for the service members to fly out to Los Angeles for the VMAs.

In addition to their swank seats and walk down the carpet, Hall said the organization members met with Gaga as she was prepping for the show earlier in the day Sunday to go over talking points. They also were invited to attend the post-VMA party put on by Gaga's Interscope Records label, where they chatted with Mother Monster and her actual mother, Cynthia Germanotta.

Hall's highlight? "She gave us a shout-out during the acceptance for her first award," he said. "And the interview with Sway on the white carpet ... But every time Lady Gaga won, it was great. And when she won Video of the Year, I loved her meat outfit."

Video: Lady Gaga Introduces Special Guests On VMA White Carpet

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

David Hall is currently the Development Director & Information Technology Manager of SLDN.

Ossiander defends position for man who threatened her *UPDATE: Bronson shelved*

UPDATE: The Assembly heard our concerns and voted to postpone Bronson's appointment indefinitely! Only Birch and Starr voted against the postponement. Kudos to Ossiander for standing up to Prevo this time.

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Tonight, the Anchorage Assembly will vote to oppose or approve Mayor Sullivan's appointment of Alaska Family Council chairman and ABT member Dave Bronson to a school commission. Please remind the Assembly to oppose this inappropriate choice: wwmas@muni.org.

A Bent Alaska reader wrote to the Assembly about Bronson, and forwarded a strange response from Debbie Ossiander:

Dear Assembly Members,

Please reject the nomination of Dave Bronson to any position on any board, commission, or committee in the municipality. His open letter to Debbie Ossiander (during the 2009 AO64 hearings) alone should disqualify him from consideration. He has clearly declared himself to have highly politicized and rigid views which would preclude him from working productively with the wide variety of officials and citizens of our city.

On the other hand, his resume shows that he is clearly qualified to pilot an airplane if any such municipal need should arise.

Thank you

On Friday, the reader sent an update saying, "Can you believe her? I got responses from others agreeing, one from Ernie Hall saying thank you for your letter, and this," an odd response from Ossiander:

thanks for the note...I do want you to know that there are no qualifications listed anywhere for this advisory volunteer committee. Historically it has been filled by anyone who is interested and willing to serve. Their sole responsiblity is to write and advisory letter on the ASD budget. I believe it is a 9 member committee and still has several vacant seats.

No comment on Bronson's inability to work productively with the Assembly, his anti-gay activism and political extremism, or his dislike of diversity - diversity that exists in the Anchorage school system and is reflected in the ASD budget.

Would Ossiander really give a city position to someone who threatened and blamed her personally for the downfall of Anchorage? Here is a quote from Bronson's open letter to Ossiander during last summer's battle for an equal rights ordinance:

Madam Chair, when Catholic Social Services (CSS) and Latter Day Saints Social Services cease operations because their faith compels them to adopt children to heterosexual couples only... you, personally, will be to blame. When religious schools close their doors because in obedience to their faith they simply cannot allow practicing homosexuals or transsexuals to teach their children... you, personally, will be to blame. I wonder why you think Anchorage is now such an evil city that it must undergo such a radical transformation just to assuage your guilt that someone you may know and care about is being treated terribly by someone who is simply exercising their right to be ignorant. Mind you, your ignorance, demonstrated by a vote for AO 64 will be far more harmful to many more individuals that you can imagine... and you, personally, will be to blame. Whether you intend these catastrophic consequences to happen or not is simply meaningless. The language in AO 64 is clear and it will cause exactly what I have articulated.

And she would approve him for a city position? Wow.

Celebration of Life for Dan Carter-Incontro, June 19

Please join the Alaska friends and family of Dan Carter-Incontro, a civil rights champion and good friend to many, for a Celebration of his Life & Legacy during Alaska Pride Week, on Saturday, June 19, from 3-5 p.m. at St. Mary's Episcopal Church in Anchorage.

Dan died on April 18 in Clermont, Florida, at the age of 62. He is survived by his husband and partner of 42 years, Al Carter-Incontro, and his sister Sarah. Memorial services were held in Florida and Anchorage, but the local Celebration of Life was delayed until Al could join us.

Dan lived in Anchorage for about 30 years, worked for the Transit Department, and was a supporter of the Anchorage Gay and Lesbian Community Center, Identity, the Metropolitan Community Church, and other LGBT groups. He was also active in the Alaska Democratic Party and served as Alaska's first openly gay democratic delegate. The new LGBT Democratic Caucus has been named after him, as the conference room in the Community Center was named after Dan and Al several years ago.

Celebrate the Life & Legacy of Dan Carter-Incontro: Saturday, June 19, from 3-5 p.m. at St. Mary's Episcopal Church, on the corner of Lake Otis & Tudor in Anchorage.

I'm from Alaska: True LGBT Stories

The "I'm From Driftwood" project collects and shares true LGBT stories from all over the world, based on the towns where people were raised, and they're starting a 50 state tour this year. They only have two stories from Alaska, both by gay men, one from Eagle River (posted below) and one from Juneau. The guy who wrote "I'm From Juneau, AK" now lives in Texas, but he came out in Alaska:

I had my first [coming out] conversation twenty-nine years ago, driving my friend, Trent, back from a high school dance in downtown Juneau to his house near mine in the Valley:

"I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid it could hurt our friendship, and I don't want it to. It's hard to talk about, and I've been avoiding telling you, but I want to."

"Okay."

"I'm gay."

"Okay. It's no big deal. Just slow down!" Apparently, my nervousness had caused me to tense up and clamp down, including clamping my foot down on the gas pedal.

"Well," I thought afterward, "that went a lot better than I feared."

The Driftwood team is still planning and fundraising for the 50-State Story Tour. They expect to fly to Alaska in November 2010.

There are gay stories from every corner of the Earth and I think they should be told. But why? What does it mean??

To the gay teens struggling to come out and deal with their sexuality, who to this day still attempt suicide 4 times more than straight kids, it says "you are not alone." Other people have dealt with similar situations, families, communities and churches, and have overcome and are now living happy lives. It can happen for you, too. It gets soooo much better, I promise. Hang in there, kiddo.

And to the people who don't support equal rights, it says we're not all that different after all. We all have stories and problems and loves and lives just like everyone else. So maybe we should all be treated like everyone else, too.

The other Alaska story, "I'm From Eagle River, AK" by John Ashton, is about the anti-gay hostility he feels and the importance of coming out:

"Mom, I have something I need to tell you." I said, trying to find the words. "I don't know how to tell you this, so I will just put it out there. I am gay."

There are some things in my life that I never considered that I would be sharing with my mother, or any of my family for that matter. I never saw my preference in a love partner as anyone's business but mine. The climate of hostility that still surrounds the issue of gay and lesbian people only secured the thought in my mind. All of that changed last year.

In January of 2009 a good friend of mine, Chris, passed away from complications with the HIV virus. I took his death hard, but in a way it helped me more than I knew at the time. The whole time that I knew Chris he pushed me to talk with my family about being gay. He told me that the closet put so much stress on me that I wasn't even able to see yet. When he passed away I was finally able to see what he meant.

For over a month I was not able to discuss with anyone that a close friend of mine had just died. I was not able to cry about it. I was not able to deal with the feelings that his death brought up in me. Instead these feelings were only allowed to fester and grow inside of me until I could not bear it anymore.

I called my mom one morning. "Mom, we need to talk. Would it be alright if I came over tonight?"

"I would love to talk with you, John." She said. "Come over when I get home from work."

Even with the now obvious stress that keeping quiet was putting on me, I almost backed down. I almost chose to remain silent. The level of hostility that still remains in society around the issue of gay and lesbian people scared me enough that I was not sure how my own mother would take this news.

"Mom, I have something I need to tell you. I don't know how to tell you this, so I will just put it out there. I am gay."

"I am not shocked." my mother said.

"Is that all?" I asked, ready for any response.

"John, I still love you. I am not shocked by this. If you are going to choose to explore this path, I will support you. There may come a time when things change for you. You don't really know who you are until you are a bit older." she said.

I had a mixture of feelings. Mostly overwhelming joy, though. There was a subtle hint of annoyance, but joy overpowered this. She still loved me. These were the words I was hoping to hear for longer than I realized.

"What made you want to tell me this now?" She asked me.

I explained to her that I had a friend that had died recently, and that having to hide this part of me meant having to hide my pain in relation to him.

The conversation went long into the night. There were a lot of happy tears mixed with some sad ones. When the conversation drew to a close my mom offered these last words.

"John, I want you to be happy. If this is what will make you happy I will support you. If you bring someone home, though, be sure it is someone I would approve of, male or female."

In the months since this I have had similar conversations with the other members of my family. I look back on the last 9 years that I spent hiding with a lot of regret. I somehow allowed other people's fear and misunderstanding of gay and lesbian people to damage and restrain my relationships with my family. I spent nearly a decade hiding from myself. Now I will spend the next decade, and longer, working to ensure that the next generation will not have to hide from themselves, or anyone else.

I leave you with the words of the author Dr. Seuss. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

According to the guidelines, the "I'm From Driftwood" stories are based on the town and state you were raised in (not the town you live in now). 300-word stories are best, and make it a story, not an essay, a social commentary, or a rant. Try to write about something other than your coming out story. Keep it clean, this is a for-all-ages site.

Contribute a written story (guidelines and submission form HERE), set up a video interview (examples), or be a featured artist with IFD.

2 Alaskans win Pride college scholarships

Two LGBT college students from Alaska received Pride Foundation scholarships for the 2010/11 school year: Tonei Glavinic and Kady Titus.

Tonei Glavinic is a Queer 20 year old from Anchorage, AK. Tonei is a student at American University in Washington, DC and is pursuing a degree in Political Science and Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. Tonei wants to thank Anchorage Youth Court, GLSEN, the ACLU, and everyone who has supported Tonei's work over the years. Tonei is a Public Policy and Advocacy Intern at the Task Force; volunteer at a pro-choice clinic; Executive Director of American University Queers and Allies; and will be a Resident Assistant next year.

Tonei won the following scholarships: Pride Foundation Community, Political Leadership, and Scott Rodriguez Leadership

Kady Titus is 21, bisexual, and an Alaskan Native. She is currently a freshmen at Haskell Indian Nations University studying Social Work. Kady owes a huge "thank you" to Kathy Halverson, who was Kady's first social worker from Foster Care. Kady says, "She stayed with me throughout everything."

"My plans and aspirations are the same now as they were almost 10 years ago: to open the interior of Alaska's first Transitional Living Program with special services geared toward GLBT youth and foster children."

Kady won the following scholarship: Pride Foundation/Alaska

Congratulations to Tonei, Kady and all 108 scholarship recipients! More information on the annual scholarship program can be found at PrideFoundation.org.

Tell Young, Begich and Murkowski to vote YES on ENDA!

ENDA is a federal bill to protect workers from being fired for being gay or trans, and Congress will be voting on it soon. The haters are cranking up their fear machine to stop ENDA, and the vote will be close, especially in the Senate. In a guest post on Alaska Commons, Tonei Glavinic reminds us that it's time to call our Congress members again.

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On Wednesday April 21, over 200 LGBT and allied organizations (including our own Alaskans Together for Equality) issued a one-line statement to members of the United States Congress:

Pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act NOW.

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act, or ENDA (H.R. 3017/S. 1584) is a federal bill that would add sexual orientation and gender identity to existing federal employment non-discrimination laws, making it illegal to treat employees unfairly based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

For the first time since 1994, when this legislation was initially introduced to Congress, federal lawmakers appear ready to pass the law, furthering LGBT equality by establishing workplace protections that hundreds before us have sought.

At this point, only 40% of the U.S. by population has clear laws in place that protect LGBT people from this type of discrimination. The 2009 Out & Equal Workplace Survey, released in October, shows that workplace discrimination persists, with 44 percent of respondents indicating they have faced discrimination on the job, and 18 percent indicating they experienced discrimination in the last 18 months.

The situation is even more dire for transgender people: the preliminary findings of the National Transgender Discrimination Survey (a project of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Center for Transgender Equality) found that 97 percent of respondents reported mistreatment or harassment, and 47 percent had lost their job, been denied a promotion, or were denied a job as a direct result of being transgender. Transgender people also reported twice the national rate of unemployment.

Right now, in most of the country (including Alaska), this happens without recourse. ENDA will change this, but it won't happen without your help. A vote on ENDA could happen in the next two weeks. Will you take two minutes right now to call Don Young's office and tell him that you support ENDA?

Call Rep. Young at 202-225-5765. Give your name and your city and then let him know:

"I am calling in support of the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (H. R. 3017/S. 1584), which will protect lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people from job discrimination. No one deserves to be fired from their job because of who they are. Please vote Yes for ENDA."

If you get voicemail instead of a person, feel free to leave a message - the messages are listened to and count just as much as if you reach a staff member. You can call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you've called in the past, no problem … call again or write or schedule a visit.

Then hang up and call Senators Murkowski and Begich. Murkowski's number is 202-224-6665; Begich's is 202-224-3004. I promise you that based on the work I've done here in DC and the conversations I've had with all three of them that your calls are not a waste of time.

Interested in becoming more involved? Visit the ENDA NOW blog for more ways you can help.

Please pick up the phone and call right now, today – our representatives need to hear that Alaskans support equality.

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Tonei Glavinic is an Alaskan queer activist attending American University in Washington, DC. Zie currently works as a Public Policy and Advocacy intern at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and was recently elected Executive Director of American University Queers and Allies. The opinions expressed here are hir own, and not meant to represent any organization with which zie is affiliated.

Gay and raised in Alaska? Bring it Home

In a guest editorial in the Anchorage Press, Josh Lee makes good suggestions on how LGBT Alaskans can create a more visible movement and gain our rights. Unfortunately, Lee isn't here to join the effort - although born and raised in Alaska, he moved to Salt Lake City last year to intern with Equality Utah. Will he bring his new skills home to Anchorage?

"Last November, the city council of Salt Lake City passed an ordinance protecting gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals from discrimination in the workplace and in housing. Other cities in Utah are currently working on getting similar ordinances passed, in hopes of supporting an eventual statewide ordinance that would protect all queer Utahns.

Where is Anchorage's anti-discrimination ordinance or protections from hate crimes? Mayor Dan Sullivan vetoed it...

Before I moved to Utah last August, I was nervous to be a gay in Mormon country. Luckily for me, I found myself in a strong Utah LGBT community shortly after my arrival. These Utahns have been an inspiration to me, and I hope that Alaskans rise to the challenge of Utah's example. If Utah can do it, so can Alaska.

And none of the changes that occurred in Utah on queer issues would exist if not for the activism that lives within Utah.

Queers in Alaska should embrace their queerness. The queers in Alaska need to come out of their log cabins (the Republicans don't like you anyway). They need to come out of the bars. They need to come out at work. They need to come out to their neighbors. The gays must go out and greet the moveable middle within their communities. Be creative in your activism. Do something, not nothing: Stage a kiss-in, create a spectacle, anything, just go all for it in your community."

They? Less than one year outside and he no longer counts himself as an Alaskan.

Lee, a UAA alumnus, makes good points about being more active and visible and creative. But who will lead those actions if so many of Alaska's queer youth and allies leave the state? Both gay and straight youth feel the need to leave home and live somewhere else. It's especially important for queer youth to experience a thriving LGBTQ community, the confidence of successful political efforts, and the relief of being themselves away from the confines of a small town. But what happens back home?

"I am proud to say that I am a born-and-raised Alaskan. I love my home state; it's beautiful and gave me many opportunities. But Alaska needs to become a more inclusive state to all of its citizens. Utah got at least one thing right when Salt Lake City decided to protect its LGBT residents. Now it's time for Alaska to meet the challenge."

You're right about that, Josh. So here's a challenge for you, and all the other LGBT youth who leave Alaska for gay-er pastures: soak up all that wonderful queerness in the big cities down south, learn everything you can about successful queer activism, make plenty of activist friends and connections - then bring your energy and skills home to Alaska and help us make it happen here. Be a leader who makes a difference, not just in a new town that already has an active community, but here at home, where you are needed.

That's my challenge to you: Bring it Home! (Or at least send your queer activist friends up here to help us.)

In the meantime, we'll keep working with the LGBT people and allies who live in Alaska, holding protests, diversity dinners, fundraisers and PrideFest, calling our members of Congress and state legislators, working with allies to elect politicians who support our rights, like we have been doing all along. Maybe someday we'll even have a kiss-in.

Dan Carter-Incontro 1947-2010

Bent Alaska received this sad news Sunday evening:

"Dan Carter-Incontro, long time Alaskan GLBT activist and supporter of equal rights for all, died this afternoon in Clermont, Florida, at the age of 62. Dan had been fighting complications from diabetes for many years but finally was overcome by the disease. He is survived by his husband, Al Carter-Incontro, and many Alaskan friends. A Celebration of Life will be held in Anchorage at a date yet to be determined. More details will be forthcoming as they are known."

Dan was known and admired by many, and will be greatly missed. Our condolences to Al, and to all whose lives were touched by Dan. Rest in peace.

Alaskan witness to Uganda Anti-Gay Rally

Amber lived in Alaska before going to work in Uganda. Last week she witnessed an anti-gay demonstration, and the experience triggered this response, forwarded by a reader:

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I've got to put this down...

its 11:57 pm and i'm sweaty and tired. after emails and phone meetings and evening shopping at the market and necklace class and compound hunting and lots of other things, sleep should come easy. maybe it's too much sweet tea or monitor glare.

today my progress was twice blocked by an anti-homosexual march. i was driving down main street and noticed some mzungus (white people) on motorbikes carrying pastel-colored signs and honking horns and yelling. i was intrigued until i read the signs. the crowd driving and marching down the street got thicker until the whole road was blocked. by that time i was trying to make a right-hand turn across that side of main street. (yes, we drive on the left here) and was trapped watching as hundreds walked and drove carrying signs of the most hateful nature. i eventually made my right turn and did my commercial business and there they were again, blocking my path for a second time. i don't often feel rageful, but sometimes i think indignation is appropriate.

today i hated americans. i hate right-wing religious zealots who think its ok to promote the government-sanctioned killing of people they don't like in places where government-sanctioned killing turns into genocide. i hate people who incite an underfed, undereducated population into taking to the streets when angry mobs kill people who happen to cross their paths. i hate all people who just watched the hatred go by. i hate that this is another reason not to live in this place and trust these people. i hate that colonialist westerners continue to come here and leave their oppressive, self-loathing fear of everything behind. i hate that this country will be seen as ignorant and intolerant and will be ignored by NGOs who say they are only here to help. i hate the sanctimonious bullshit that comes out of black and white mouths. i hate that people i love don't want to come here to visit me because they will have to hide who they are.

later in the day, i realized there are more things i hate. i hate that women i know have to have more children than they know they can take care of. i hate that they have to choose between getting their teeth fixed and feeding their children. i hate that they don't know that soda causes cavities and that they don't know what cavities are. i hate that their clothes are ripped and falling apart and pregnant women wear shirts they can't button because they don't have any other clothes. i hate that they aren't hateful and are able laugh and smile and have a good time while they are experiencing these things. i hate when i see this and i feel small and stupid. i hate that i whine about paper cuts and sweatyness to people who have teeth pulled with no anesthesia and have never experienced indoor plumbing. i hate that they show me that i have the choice to be hateful.

it's 12:16 am. a new day. maybe today i won't be hateful. maybe i'll look at what i have and what i have done and feel satisfied that the equation balances. maybe i'll go use my indoor plumbing and accept the truth that it just takes more everything to keep me alive and functioning and i'm lucky because i've never had to suffer. maybe i'll go to sleep and feel better because

Amber

Monday, February 15, 2010